to thrive this year, not simply survive. Think how much more you will accomplish,
even on your own, if you have a habit of laughter. Consider how your clients
and customers will relate to you. You know that’s crucial to your
financial bottom line. The happier, more cheery and lighthearted you
are, even just if you work alone, the more you’ll
produce and the more successful you will be... --Ann Fry is dean of Humor University
(Quote taken from Austin Business Journal January 2-8, 2004, page 27 Resolve
to thrive this year, not simply survive).
•STRESSED is just DESSERTS spelled backward. From: http://jokes-humor.itgo.com/christmas/holiday-diet.html
• Q. What is a Mummy’s favorite type of music? A. Wrap!!!!!
•Q. Why did the Vampire read the Wall Street Journal? Q. He heard it had
•Q. What tops off a ghost's ice cream sundae? A. Whipped scream.
•Q. How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? A. Every night he turns
into a bat.
•Q. What's it like to be kissed by a vampire? A. It's a pain in the neck.
•“You can tell a lot about a man by the way he treats the
person who can do nothing for him.” --Unknown
proverb says, “Life just gives you time and space; it’s
up to you to fill it.”
•Life is not
measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that
take our breath away. --George Carlin
are like wine. Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.”
--Pope John XXIII
the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed
with laughter. Some day I intend on reading it.”
•"Your attitude is like a box of crayons that color your world.
Constantly color your picture gray, and your picture will always be bleak.
Try adding some bright colors to the picture by including humor, and
your picture begins to lighten up." --Allen
•“Anger is only one letter short of danger.” --Unknown
(Submitted by Ron Sasse)
whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among
those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh. W.H.
Auden (1907-1973) American poet
wait on life. If you do, you’re living some life that’s ‘gonna
happen’ instead of the one that’s happening right now.” --Ann
Richards (The Book of Texas Wisdom)
•“Laughter heals, gives solace, and is life enhancing.” --Liz
Carpenter’s book Start With A Laugh
•"There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving
success. You have to laugh and find humor each and every day. You’ve
got to have a dream. What takes talent and ability is finding opportunities
in change. Have no regrets." --Dan Clark, Excerpted from: Chicken
Soup for the College Soul
•“Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?” --Phyllis
•"Considering all of the funny business being investigated at the
state Capitol, wouldn’t it be simpler to let corporations donate money
directly to House members in exchange for making them wear advertising patches
on their suits? Hey, it works for NASCAR, so why wouldn’t it work at the
Statehouse? Some of these guys would be so covered up with logos that they’d
have to go buy larger pants.
Considering it is the Texas Legislature, I don’t think you’d see
a lot of signs on there that said, 'This space for rent.'" --John Kelso,
Sunday, March 14, 2004, Austin American Statesman.
•“People say New Yorkers can’t get along. Not true. I saw two
New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy took the tires and the
radio the other guy took the engine.” --David Letterman
•“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did,
but they will never forget how you made them feel.” --Unknown
•We are about as happy as we make up our minds to be. –Abraham Lincoln
• Gandhi was once asked what he thought about western civilization. He
replied that he thought it would be a good idea.
•“And life is what we make it, always has been, always will be.” --Grandma
•“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t
matter and those who matter don’t mind.” --Dr. Seuss
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
Taken from: http://www.butlerwebs.com/jokes/bumper.htm
•“A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along
with people, of getting things done.” --Dwight D. Eisenhower
•“We can do no great things; only small things with great love.” --Mother
•I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
•In order for your dreams to come true, you've got to stay awake. - Charles
•Maturity begins when we're content to feel we're right about something
without feeling the necessity to prove someone else wrong. - Sydney J. Harris
•May you live all the days of your life. - Jonathan Swift
is it possible to have a civil war? -- George Carlin
•Confucious says: War doesn't determine who is right, war determines who
•Only in America do we have a General in charge of the post office and
a Secretary in charge of defense. http://www.butlerwebs.com/jokes/military.htm
•The little boy wasn't getting good marks in school. One day he made the
teacher quite surprised. He tapped her on the shoulder and said ..."I don't
want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't get better grades, somebody is
going to get a spanking." Submitted by Sparkegirl http://www.butlerwebs.com/jokes/teachers.htm
•"If you think you're too small to make a difference, you haven't
been in bed with a mosquito." -- Anita Roddick
•"Timing is everything. Bob Hope owns most of Palm Springs because
he knows when not to say anything." --Ann Richards (From the Book of
•“The insincerity of man – all men are liars, partial or hiders
of facts, half tellers of truths, shirks, moral sneaks. When a merely honest
man appears he is a comet – his fame is eternal – needs no genius,
no talent – mere honesty – Luther, Christ, etc.” --Mark Twain
•"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." --Steven
•"Always love your enemies - nothing annoys them so much." --Oscar
•“I live by this credo: Have a little laugh at life and look around
you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy
situations. Even in your darkest moment, you usually can find something to laugh
about if you try hard enough.” --Red Skelton